Real Emotion
by h3AdS1aMM3r
Summary: An Alternate/Extended take to the scene: Alisa's Determination 2. Ash gets hurt by the Vajra, unleashing Alisa's will to overcome her fear. Alisa blames herself for getting him hurt. What comes after, however, is an unexpected moment between them both.


Summary: An Alternate/extended take to the scene: Alisa's Determination 2. Ash gets hurt by the Vajra, unleashing Alisa's will to overcome her fear. Alisa blames herself for getting him hurt. Some days later, the two have a heart-to-heart talk.

Pairing: Ash (protagonist) X Alisa

_Italics _are Alisa's thoughts

_**Bold Italics **_are Ash's thoughts

One-shot: Real Emotion

"EAT THIS!"

Ash, swinging his Claymore, gave the Vajra a stab into the side as Sakuya, Alisa and Kota fired their bullets from afar. The group had been sent to combat the aragami that had been roaming the destroyed city's ruins. As usual, the squad had readily accepted their mission.

All except Alisa.

The group knew her traumatic childhood with the Vajra-type aragami's, and they were also well aware that she could freeze up during the mission if her fear kicked in. However, with her usual stubbornness, brushed aside the question and told the group.

"I'm fine, I can do it."

Despite all their previous training sessions together, Ash had managed to catch that tiny hint of hesitation in her voice.

It wasn't that he doubted her ability as a Gods Eater. In fact, he would dare say that her fighting abilities might have even surpassed his (not that he was being all cool about it). He was her leader and, witnessing her fight so many times up close, she could have easily been one of the best Gods Eater in the far East Branch.

Yet, he knew the Russian girl shouldn't be joining back the frontlines so soon. After all, the group too had suffered their first casualty not too long ago as well.

The death of their first leader, Lindow Amamiya.

Alisa had been shaken by the presence of the Vajra and, in her unstable state of mind, had shot the roof of the broken church, trapping Lindow and the aragami with him. The white haired leader knew that even till this day, she still blamed herself for Lindow's death.

"What do you mean, Ash? Like I said, I'm fine. Let us set off immediately," she had told him with that slightly arrogant voice of hers. He nearly cringed at her tone. He had seen her softer side during the one-to-one training mission they had. The part of her that was of a less arrogant, proud sort.

Yet he wondered, did she still have to act like…that, in front of the rest of the squad.

During the mission against the Vajra, he had next to little time to observe her during the fight. She had hesitated a few point-blank shots against it and had once or twice nearly flamed Kota's pants with the Hellfire Mortar.

In other words, she was totally out of it.

Even as now as the team rushed in an attempt to finish of the giant beast, Alisa stood at the back lines, almost seemingly scared despite that the aragami was almost down.

"This is it!" were Ash's cries as he released his God Arc in an attempt to devour the fallen Vajra. However, it got up and, using whatever energy it had left, swatted him away and jumped away to hide within the collapsing buildings.

"Aw man!" Kota whined, "it got away!"

"I should have been more observant…" the leader mumbled as he thought out a plan, "Alright, here's the deal. The Vajra can spot us a mile away if we're in a group. I suggest we split up and look for it. It shouldn't be too strong now, maybe a strong flame shot would kill it. Just keep in mind. Even though it's weak, it can still screw you up if you're not careful."

"Watch your backs guys."

Sakuya and Kota readily nodded their heads and ran of in separate directions.

"All right, I think I'll go that-" Ash was cut off as Alisa grabbed him by the arm, "split up? Are you mad? We'll be easy pickings like this!"

Ash stopped and stared at her, but only for a moment before placing his hand on her shoulder, "I'm not ALWAYS stupid, trust me on this."

"Don't be afraid, all right?"

"Ah…!"

She had been left wordless by him the moment he placed his hand on her shoulder. He watched as his tall figure charged of into the direction opposite of the other two, leaving her alone.

_His hand was so…wait, now's not the time for this! He's right, I can do this!_

A long while had passed since the squad had dispersed, yet there had been no signs of the Vajra.

_I wonder if it ran away,_ Alisa thought as she wandered near the abandoned church.

_**ROAAAAARRRR**_

"Ah!"

Hearing the monstrous cries, she quickly ran forward to find a place for cover, stopping behind the corner of a broken wall.

_What is wrong with me? I promised them I would be fine, yet I…oh curse my hesitation…_

***shuffle***

Alisa barely managed to surpass a gasp as she heard footsteps coming towards her. Fearing for herself, she leapt out of her cover and pointed her rifle at…

Ash.

"Whoa…scared the living crap out of me" the leader leapt back, "I thought I heard something there. It's just you Alisa."

The silver head gave an internal sigh to herself, _Whew, it's just him. No need to get worked up over anything._

"Damn that Vajra," Ash muttered, "I finally hear a roar and now I can't find it." He took a peek around the area before facing her again, "Alisa, come with me."

Alisa's eyes lit up as he spoke to her. This was her chance! She didn't have to be afraid if someone else was with her-

_No…I can't, I just…_

"Are you questioning my ability?" she replied with her usual tone of slight arrogance, "you know I am clearly capable of carrying out your instructions."

"I know that Alisa I just-" he stopped short, his eyes widening in horror.

"ALISA! GET DOWN, NOW!"

"Huh, what?"

Everything that happened next to Alisa was a blur. One moment Ash was yelling for her to get down, the next came the roar of a Vajra and being knocked to the ground.

"A…Ash?"

Now lying beside her was a very bloody Ash, his body clawed with blood seeping out. In front of them was the target of the mission.

The Vajra.

"Ash, ASH!" she shook her leader vigorously, refusing to believe what had just happened, "what…why, what do you think you're doing!"

"Shit…" was his only response, "get away from here Alisa, go get the others!"

"But…"

"Just leave me here and go, hurry or you'll die too!"

Her breathing increased uncontrollably as she held the near unconscious boy in her arms. At that moment, images flashed through her head.

Kota.

Sakuya.

Soma.

Her parents death.

The scene in which she had thought she killed Lindow.

Ash…

"Ash…"

"_Don't be afraid, all right?"_

"_You sure about this?_

"_I know you can do this!"_

"_Alisa! Get down!"_

Tears streamed down her face as she gripped her God Arc.

"Why…"

The Vajra, sensing its preys movement, gave a satisfied roar.

"Why…" the voice that came from Alisa was that of one coated in anger, sadness.

The determination to fight back.

Her will to face her fears. Her fear of her memories, her fear of Vajra's, everything else.

**ROAARRRR**

The Vajra leapt at her.

"WHY YOU LITTLE…!"

Without hesitation, she raised her God Arc and with one swift motion, launched a Hellfire mortar straight into the face of the Vajra.

**BOOOOM**

The sound of a giant aragami dropping dead could be echoed, catching the attention of Kota and Sakuya. As they ran in search of the other two, what they found utterly shocked them.

In the midst of damaged buildings were a large Vajra lying dead, their leader bleeding profusely on the floor and Alisa kneeling over him, crying.

"Alisa? What…how?"

"Ash, buddy, hey! Speak to me, this ain't funny!"

She had faced her fears. No more was she scared.

But at the cost of a comrade.

At the cost of someone more dear than a friend to her.

Or at least she thought…

* * *

><p><strong>A few days later.<strong>

**Night time.**

Alisa sat in her room, sighing as she drank down another cup of cocoa, only to get up to make another one. It had been a few days since Ash had been hospitalized. They had him sent to the ICU immediately upon bringing him back. After running several tests on him, the medics decided to go with an operation.

"His wound is very serious, but yet just enough for us to patch it up."

Everyone had tried to console Alisa since that day's events. Kota kept telling her how awesome she was for taking down the Vajra and facing her fear.

Sakuya had been the one to tell her not to brood over Ash's condition.

She had just nodded and taken everything up. The doctor said he had lost a lot of blood due to the wound, so he had to stay in the sick bay for awhile. She had always wanted to visit him during the correct hours, but it seemed the slots were always taken up, mostly by his close friends.

Tatsumi, the guard sergeant. The two became friends almost immediately after Ash had joined, so she had heard. The ever cautious defender, Tatsumi was the one had to keep Ash himself in check.

Gina, the one eyed sniper. She had initially doubted Ash's skills, much like Alisa herself, but he proved her wrong, yet developing a social bond with her.

Shun, the ever hot blooded scout sergeant. He always devoured the aragami with the God Arc whenever he had the chance, almost excessively. But when his leader Ash had told him to fall back, he knew it was for his own good.

Even Kanon came to visit him. The medic was never a talkative one, shy to a huge extent rather. Ash had made the point on taking her on every mission he went on that didn't need to include the full squad (Alisa had assumed it was because she was good looking, only to find out that she was the only medic sergeant around these days).

But now, he was probably still in a deep coma, and not waking up anytime soon. The squad had put their missions on a temporary hold since the leader was out cold.

_I wonder how he's doing now. I haven't been to see him at all. _

The only thing that seemed to break her chain of thought was the shuffling of feet outside her door.

_It's probably Kota trying to see him too._

_Maybe I'll go tomorrow._

*knock knock*

?

_Is someone at my door?_

"Um, you may come in!"

"Really? I can?" the curious voice spoke from outside, "and I thought Kota said to leave you alone for awhile."

Alisa recognized that voice.

_Is that…who I think it is?_

The door slid open. Coming through it was a young man with white hair with a bandana around his heads. A large white jacket thrown across his body which barely covered the large bandage across his bare chest.

"Um…yo?" Ash rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "It's around lights out so uh…figured you'd be here.

"Ah…ah…!"

"Ash!"

Alisa could barely contain herself as she launched herself at him.

"Whoa, what the-ow!" Ash reeled back at the Russian girl's sudden action of crushing him with a hug.

"S—sorry!"

The force of Alisa's tackle had caused him to wince in pain. To Alisa, it was a miracle, seeing that her friend had finally been discharged from the sick bay. Realizing what she had just done, Alisa did her best to regain her composure as she helped him up from the floor.

"You shouldn't just pop up at my door like that," she scolded him as he was being helped into a sitting position onto her couch, "you could have had scared the crap out of me."

"Scared the crap out of you?" Ash snickered, "you're picking up my habit of speaking really quick."

"That's not something you should be praising me about!"

"Hello to you too," Ash shrugged it off as he grabbed the mug of cocoa and chugged down half the cup, "this for me? Thanks!"

"Hey! That was mine! For someone who had just been released from the sick bay, you sure are energetic," Alisa rolled her eyes as she snatched the drink away.

"Whatever."

"Whatever indeed," the Russian folded her arms as she sank back into the couch.

…

…

An awkward silence passed between Alisa and Ash.

_Oh no…I snap at him right after I act all worried and concerned about him. What am I doing? Keep your emotions in check, Alisa!_

It was the latter that broke the silence.

"I heard you beat the Vajra in one shot, good job," Ash commented as he took another sip, "the others tell me you're not scared anymore, good job on that too."

By this point, she didn't even bother to take the cocoa away from him anymore.

"It was nothing. Seeing that you were wounded, of course I had to attack. Moreover you had to be sent to the ICU immediately after-"

"I had already told you to stop worrying," he teased her.

"I…I wasn't worrying about you, or anyone for the matter," Alisa stuttered through her speech, "I was just…"

"Waiting for a chance to visit me I bet."

Alisa glanced up at him, how did he know?

"Kota saw me out of the sick bay today," Ash started, "he said that a lot of people came to visit me. Tatsumi, Gina, Shun, even Kanon came. He was there one of the days too, well that's what he said."

"Your point being?"

"I never once heard him telling me you came, am I right?"

The question almost caused Alisa to drop the drink in her hands. She had always used the excuse of there being either too many people or that visiting times were always over. But had she ever one paused to think why she never did.

Or why she was _scared _to face him.

"Hello? Earth to Alisa Amelia? Are you there?"

**BANG**

Ash noticed the cup in Alisa's hand was now on the table, her trembling fingers laced around it.

"Alisa…?"

"Do not speak!" the silver head suddenly snapped at him, "you want to know the reason for not visiting you?"

Ash sat, completely unfazed, "Of course."

"I was terrified!" her outbursts continued, "All this time, even after the mission, I'd been absolutely terrified! When the Vajra wounded you, I couldn't think, it was on instinct that I fired the mortar."

_**And you managed to overcome your fear**_

"I could not even celebrate the victory over the Vajra. You were wounded, half dead. I had ran out of recovery bullets and items. The only thing I could do was watch you and cry."

_**Not even the other two could do anything.**_

_**Yet only you cried for me.**_

"Even when you were hospitalized, everyone was worried sick. I had to be calm, I had to make sure no one loss control of their own emotions."

"When I could barely hold down my own!"

_**I…**_

"Do you know how hard it is to act like everything's ok in front of everyone else? I try so hard to push down my emotions, to a place where it will never take my place of my duties. Yet…"

"And yet I…"

"Shut up."

"Huh?"

Alisa could only stifle a small yelp as she felt a strong pair of hands grab her and pull her into an embrace.

"Ash…" she wanted very much to return the embrace, wanted to pour out all her worries, her affections, her fears all to him.

"Let me go…" was her answer, "please, its not easy for-"

"Cry."

_What?_

"Cry, Alisa," Ash spoke in a hushed tone, never once letting go of her, "I don't totally know what you've been going through, but me being an insensitive jerk probably never helped."

"So please Alisa, don't suffer by yourself anymore."

_**I don't want to see someone I've loved for so long suffer.**_

It was all the prompting she needed.

It started with a small sob first, resistant and hesitant. Slowly, the sobs grew more loud, more intense. Before he knew it, the entire sleeve of his shirt was soaked in tears. For a long time the girl never ceased, her cries releasing all the pent up fear, sorrow, sadness and maybe even…

The happiness of someone to know her.

"WAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"There, there, let it all out. No one else will see you…"

A long while passed between Ash and Alisa, the latter crying till she knew there were no more tears left for her to cry out. By now, both had gotten so used to the embrace neither felt willing to let go.

"You better?" Ash asked a now silent Alisa.

"Mmm…" was her only response as she tightened the grip on his back.

_**I better go, it'd be bad if anyone else found me in her room past midnight. But she just seems so…**_

Despite not wanting to, Ash forced himself to let go of Alisa and pull himself back, "It's better if I get going now. You should get some rest too."

He turned away from her in an attempt to excuse himself, only to stop for a moment, hoping even just the slightest that she would ask him to stay.

_**What the hell am I expecting anyway, there's no way she would…**_

As he was about to reach for the door, he felt tugging at his shirt.

"Uh…"

"It's late and…I don't think anyone would really notice if you were gone from your room, so…"

"Would…you mind…staying here…."

_Oh gosh, Alisa! You have really done it this time! You cry your heart out onto the sleeve of the person you care for so much, and now you're asking him to stay in your room? _

Ash looked down at the shorter, now intensely red girl.

He blinked at her, but only for a mere moment of curiosity before giving one of his warmer smiles.

Reaching for her pale face, he tilted her chin up with his fingers, "I'll stay with you as long as you need me to."

He pressed his lips against hers, getting an-almost-eager return in response. He stuck his tongue in, turning it into a French one.

Slowly, he had her pressed onto her bed.

And they had barely gone halfway…

* * *

><p>And done XD<p>

OMG I made Alisa totally OOC (but who gives two s***ts), it was partially the main point of the story though :P

Eh, I just MIGHT do a lemon scene (emphasis on might) if someone does want me to.

Good, bad, constructive or (my fav) RANDOM reviews are always appreciated :D


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